Tips for not losing weight

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As I stuff my face full of homemade banana muffins at 10 o’clock at night, I thought I should pass on my weight loss tricks to you all. And by weight loss, I mean staying the same, or gaining.
1. Always eat just before going to bed. I always think, my body digests the food while I’m sleeping, no need to stop before 7.
2. If you’re going to eat before bed make sure it’s fatty, building up your carbs at this time is the best time for optimal weight gain… I mean loss.
3. Exercise vigorously during the day so as to totally dehydrate yourself, then stuff your face full of grains and fatty carbs when you get home. And don’t forget to add your midnight snack.
4. If you do exercise, it’s not suggested, but if you must, only focus on one part of your body. Keep doing the same amount and time for that one body part.
5. When you have the time, because I mean who does these days, grab quick, fatty, greasy fast food. I always find this is the easiest way to live and I figure it can’t catch up with my weight gain goals, right?
6. This is an added bonus but have children, it will do wonders for your body. No woman will ever tell you having babies fucked her body, it only enhanced it.
After stuffing those three muffins in my mouth, and enjoying them, I find myself wanting to ralf after writing these tips. Hope you enjoyed a laugh, if it made you laugh, if not, fuck you 🙂
Mumma C