I’d like to cry a little, and think that being an honest, horrible, mean mommy is all worth it after today! Thanks so much to Mommy Flying Solo for honoring me with my first blog award. I feel like my ramblings have all been worth it and mucho love to my readers, as few as they may be.
So nominees, this is what you are supposed to do if you are awarded.
- Display the Award Certificate on your website/blog
- Announce your win with a post. Make sure to post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
- Present up to 15 awards to deserving bloggers
- Drop them a comment to tip them off after you have linked them in the post
- Post 7 interesting things about yourself
Since I’m insanely busy with no life, no friends and no soul I’m only going to nominate a few people, I don’t even follow 15 blogs!
My nominees are:
7 interesting things about me:
1. I have an undergrad degree and a teaching degree, and I’m walking dogs for a living
2. I’m an insane movie buff. Give me an actor’s face (I can name them and movies they’ve been in), a line from a movie (I can name the movie), a movie title, (I can name the year it was released (mostly) and actors in it)
3. I failed grade 10 math
4. I’m a tanorexic and my family has a history of skin cancer… you do the math, cause clearly I can’t
5. I taught in Mexico City
6. I’m afraid of everything- the dark, babies, people, public, being alone, cooking/cleaning, freezing, drowning, etc etc etc
7. I have multiple dream jobs, but my ultimate ultimate, is to be a book editor
I didn’t have near the anxiety I thought I would leaving my child with a total stranger, especially amazing as she is just a kid. It was like pulling teeth to find out how the day went as she’s so quiet and just seemed to want to get out the door. Apparently they had a good day, he was a good boy, and he’s still alive, so that’s a bonus.
There are a few things however that I’ll have to repeat to her again tomorrow. The first thing I notice is that Cobain is eating lunch an hour behind schedule; fine, I can let that slide. Then I see he has a heaping pile of Kraft dinner in his baby bowl. My son has never eaten Kraft dinner, we try to keep processed foods and excess salt, excess of anything bad out of his diet. Even though I wanted to say, “are you fucking retarded??!” I calmly said, “oh lucky boy, you’ve never had KD before” and then showed her where his whole wheat noodles were. Then after she practically runs out the door I notice sirs diaper is on oddly, with a lot of pieces hanging out; she may need some lessons tomorrow. All of that I’m willing to not get upset about, but what took the cake is that dishes, toys, blankets outside were all still out. I told her that I wanted everything cleaned up after it was used, so she had no reason to be so lazy. I ended up having to clean all her dishes she used for herself, picked up the baby toys, and brought everything inside that she had used. THAT shit will not fly! I’ll try to be as nice as possible telling her that she needs to fucking clean up after herself in my home!
Sirs is still alive with no visible marks, so all in all a good first day of a stranger looking after baby. There will just need to be some tweaks to be done to this girl.
It’s 6:06 pm and I’m already laying my sweet ass down to bed, and yes this is normal for me. The baby’s bedtime has now become the parent’s bedtime, and I’m lovin it. So what’s my excuse since he’s not here… um, I’m lazy and I love bed? Although last night I actually left the house at 10pm to see the supermoon, which wasn’t very super, but then I got scared because it was dark out and ran back inside. I haven’t seen darkness around me in so long I forgot what it looked like. I’m also currently wearing my new Jaws shirt, and I don’t like it as much… maybe it’ll grow on me once I wear it in public and people tell me how awesome it is.
So I thought tonight I should steer a little towards the main purpose of my blog, and get back to parenting. I’ve been told, not very often mind you, by people that they think I’m a good mom and doing a good job with Cobain. I always say thank you and mumble something under my breathe like, how the hell would you know? People who aren’t with us 24 hours a day, or even for an hour out of a month aren’t very reliable sources on what makes me a good mom. For all they know I bring Cobain out of his closet when people visit, which is never, so technically he’s always in his closet. When friends or family see me with Cobain sure I feed him once in a while, give him some face squeezes, and change his diaper, if I remember, and I always think to myself, is that what they consider makes a good mom? I feel like the only person who could make an accurate statement of whether I’m a good mom or not is my husband because he’s the one who has to deal with our stupid ugly faces all day and night. I feel when people tell you you’re a good mother they think it’s the right thing to say, so they do, which just irritates me. It’s like when people tell you your baby is cute. You lyin’, you lyin’ to me, don’t fuckin lie. Cobain just happens to actually be cute, but other actual ugly babies. People think that’s what you should say when you meet a newborn or a child for the first time, but they’re all lying. I feel sorry for parents who think their child is cute, and everyone behind their backs are really saying, “good god, holy mother of mary that is one unfortunate looking child”. Hey, you want to know the truth about your kid on the ugly scale, and whether you’re a horrible mom or not, I’ll tell you! Don’t poop on my lawn and tell me it’s gold, or whatever the saying is, don’t just say the obligatory “you’re a good mom” cause I don’t want to hear it. Now, if you have something to back that statement up then please, shower me with compliments.
I know the truth hurts sometimes, but sometimes you have to hear it.
Look out we may have a new addiction (I get them a lot), I kind of have a problem. Currently 4:30 am and all I’m thinking about is “what really grinds my gears”. I can’t possibly be the only one who feels this way, but I have never ever heard it come from any parent’s mouth. It’s the fact that being a parent is suckie, hard, mostly not fun, and you’re just counting down the days until they go off to college (yes, I do just have a 1 year old, what of it?). I’m guessing all parents mouths are agape right now in horror because they would NEVER feel that way about their precious children *rolling eyes currently*. When I get asked how I like being a parent, usually by other parents (because they’re the only ones who pretend to give a shit), I always answer, “oh it’s so great, fulfilling, best decision I ever made”, bla bla. To my non parental friends, I tell them the truth, and they wholeheartedly agree, “Oh yea yea, I can totally understand, kids suck”. I think the non parents have the right idea, but they’re never the ones giving advice on kids before you have them.
On Facebook, Instagram, etc everyone seems so happy with their children and filled with joy that this is what their lives have become. How true are those photos? I refuse to believe that parents can actively and routinely say how fulfilling and special it is to be a parent. Maybe that’s all it is, routine, it’s routine and you’re expected to feel that way once you have children.
Maybe I’m a horrible person, maybe I’m a horrible parent for actually admitting this, but it’s how I’ve felt since day one. You can say it’s postpartum, yes perhaps, as I did have it, but this just seems to be a feeling I can’t shake. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cobain, and sometimes he’s the damn sweetest motherfucker who ever lived, but I haven’t gotten that feeling yet… and parents, you know the feeling. It’s that feeling you’ve all been spouting to your friends and family since you first laid eyes on your children. So do you REALLY feel that way, or are you just hiding it because it’s not the “norm” to feel that way?