Paper boy & whiners

As I am working now and Tim is out of town my mom has been kind enough to come down for the week to look after sirs while I’m at work. We have made a discovery about baby sirs, which I think I suspected all along. This blog covers parenthood and the crappiness of it, and how sirs is a bit of a whiner… hence why I’m whining online. When I’m not at home apparently Cobain is the most well behaved, quietest, sweetest baby that ever lived. Um, which baby are you looking after all day, because I know my sirs is 1 of the 3 above mentioned. He’ll be playing perfectly content and the second I walk in the door he’s crying and rolling all over the floor, and cuddling his toys. It’s not as if I ignore him when I walk in the door, I drop everything and go right to him and give him hugs and kisses. What.the.fuck. Is it me? Is he suckie with me because he knows he can get away with it? Did he miss me? I’d like to say it’s because he missed me, but even after he gets used to me being around he’s still carrying on being a little bugger and whining. Why can’t we all just get along and not cry when we’re around each other? I’m hoping it’s just something he’ll get over, but good news for babysitters that he’s not as terrible, “allegedly”, as I make him seem.

As part of my super elitist job the odd time I have to deliver our business flyers to certain neighborhoods. Gah. First of all, NO ONE LIKES FLYERS, secondly, it’s awkward as all hell going up to someone’s house when they’re clearly home and trying to run away before they catch you. I had to explain myself to one half dressed man today who opened his door as I was waiting to not get sprayed by his sprinkler; otherwise I would have escaped in time, damn it. Half of what I said was unheard so I had to keep repeating myself, then as I was walking away he told me to take my flyer back. Rejected, and insanely embarrassing. I have to go back to that neighborhood tomorrow as I didn’t have enough flyers. I’m thinking of wearing a mask so people that I pissed off today with my stupid flyers don’t recognize me tomorrow.

The endless joke that is my life continues on…
Mumma C

Missed you

Hello readers! Turns out having a job takes away from having any free time, boo, so I haven’t been able to write at all. I’ve missed you guys, hope you missed me too 🙂

I had Sunday off, only one day, so I decided to drive to London and back in one day. Luckily I had a good friend who is as nuts as me and was willing to do the drive with me to pick up mr sirs. Tim had to unforeseeably stay in London for an undetermined amount of time and I couldn’t not have sirs home again. The trip luckily was pretty uneventful except for driving in second gear in an automatic car. We made it just to Toronto and I already blew through an entire tank of gas. My dad lent me his car so I was pissed he gave me such a gas guzzler, and I called him three times to ask what the hell was wrong with his car. Between the three of us we finally figured out that I was in second gear which apparently is like going 120 mph. No wonder I spent 100 dollars in gas just in three hours!

So my sirs is back home and I’m working and frantically looking for childcare again. The 16 year old we interviewed was a good idea but once we asked her to work she said she would be gone for a month this summer; how fucking helpful kid. Long story short she luckily isn’t going until August so her first official day is Monday! I already have the teddies, just need to get those tiny little cameras to hide in the bear’s ass to spy on the girl. That sounded more creepy then I meant it, to see what she’s doing with sirs, not what she’s doing in the bathroom!

The job is going well, however met the creepiest man and the dog from hell this week. When there is a new client my boss goes and brings one of us to meet them and their dog. My boss and I go to the lower income housing area and we meet toothless joe with his cute dog. My boss needs to fill out a bunch of paperwork but the client didn’t want us going up to his apartment. My boss, “Well, um, where is her leash, water?” “Oh it’s just right at the door, you don’t need to worry about any of that”. Meanwhile I’m the one who has to go into this apartment first to get the dog the next day and I’m thinking of an exit strategy when the door bolts shut behind me. Toothless joe sitting in his chair with his fingers Mr. Burns style and his dog sitting obediently at his side. Luckily his apartment was relatively normal, minus the heap of dirty dishes with fruit flies, and toothless joe was absent. The dog turns out to be the horrid one and chooses to bolt into traffic to jump on cars. What dog does that?? Since I almost lost my arm I didn’t have to see that dog again, hopefully it’ll stay that way!

Mumma C

Deal with the devil

 

ImageYou guys were THIS close to not getting a blog today, which makes me more sad than you. This is my umpteenth time trying to get online but either my computer or my internet didn’t want it to happen. I had to walk away a couple hours ago when I went to start writing but got so frustrated I had to go shopping instead. I bought myself, for the first time ever, a raincoat for my spiffy new job! What adult has a raincoat? No one, cause nobody wants to go out in the rain, ick. But I figured I didn’t want to be in wet clothes all day, so I bit the bullet and bought one. I also bought sirs a new kind of diaper, which I was oddly excited about. They have super cute patterns and sesame street peeps on them, feel like he’s growing up, haha! On a total side note, am I the only who is loving this hot sticky weather? There’s something about that kind of humidity that makes me so happy even if I’m dripping in sweat. I prefer to think of it as I’m glistening as people do allegedly after they have sex on a hot day. Anyways….

So the job stars tomorrow… I think. I had been waiting for my contract to be sent to me from my boss last night, and I heard nothing. Then I receive the following email at 11:30pm, Subject: Sigh (very professional start) “I’m so sorry didn’t get a chance to do your contract up. Long story. Definitely going to have you out on wed I still need to figure out schedule. Sorry its been a really bAd day”. Ummmmm k. I was wondering if one of her workers lied to her again, causing her to lose yet another client. I really didn’t know where to go from here as she didn’t say, “oh, I’ll have it for you soon, see you Wednesday, here’s a schedule” etc etc. So I just said, I’m sorry… so what’s the plan? I’m very sensitive to people’s woes. We ended up emailing back and forth for almost 20 minutes, her telling me about a dog who had to be put down for behavioral issues. I actually do sympathize with this and that must be really hard if she had known the dog for a long time, I cry when I hear a complete stranger saw a dog once. Yeah. I still didn’t get much out of her other than I THINK I’m starting tomorrow. I still haven’t signed my contract, or know when or where I’m going tomorrow. I’m assuming she’ll email me again tonight at 12am telling me how shitty the world is. I don’t even know if my last boss had problems, and my new one is already telling me what time she goes to the bathroom every day. I’m scared I’ve made a horrible decision to work for this woman, as she seems completely insane. Who the hell talks to their employees like that, let alone that quickly into the employer/employee relationship. I think I may be signing my life over to the devil in a fat dog lady disguise.

Wish me luck if I even make it out tomorrow and I’ll give you the update tomorrow!
Mumma C

On another side note, came across this while looking for a picture of “ugly she devil”. Beyonce quoted as saying “I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.”