Oh readers I come to you with a heavy, and pissed heart. Two days ago my boss told me to leave my entire set of keys in my mailbox because her boyfriend had to do something with them. Um ok, weird, but ok. Then tonight I get an email saying this dog walking thing with me just wasn’t working out. Yeah. You read me right, I was fired from the most embarrassing job to begin with. The reasoning: STUPID MOTHERFUCKING BABYSITTER. My boss said I was late three times and she can’t rely on that inconsistency with her business (not word for word, I’m more articulate than she). My babysitter was obviously late more than three times, but the times I couldn’t compensate I had to tell my boss. Remember that blog where I was complaining about my babysitter’s irresponsible lateness? Yeah, that in turn was responsible for me being fired, un-fucking-believable. Also remember when I said I was embarrassed to tell people what I did for a job? Well now I’m even more embarrassed to say I was fired from said job.
So back to the drawing board, job search, job search and pray to Jebus something comes my way. I’m getting a little sick of the luck we’ve been having since moving to Kingston, so I think I’m owed a little something.
Mumma C


First day

Good evening readers. I would have written sooner but walking dogs took a lot out of me! I don’t have my usual witty and hilarious post tonight, mostly because it was the most uneventful first day I’ve ever had.

I shadowed one of the three employees at this company, and she was so organized, no room for error kind of girl nothing went wrong during my first day. Usually during my first day at anything I want to throw up the night before, I run through the list of uncertainties and don’t sleep the whole evening. The morning of I want to throw up some more, skip breakfast, probably shit myself a little, and have a tummy ache the entire drive to work. For this job I had zero stomach upsets the night before, slept like a beauty, and woke up only wanting to throw up a little. So all in all I thought this was a great start to my new job. I even woke up on time, didn’t actually have breakfast, but not due to nervous nausea but simply lack of hunger.

Since I’m kind of a loser, last night I went to see where I had to be in the morning so I didn’t have to stress about it the morning off. So this morning I knew exactly where I was going and was there 10 minutes early to meet the girl I was shadowing. We walked approximately 10 dogs in about 5 hours. Most of the dogs were real sweet and made me miss having one, but I also remembered how much I HATE picking up dog shit. Stupid dog. Clean up your own shit. There was a lot of driving, a lot of rules, and a lot of things to remember. Some owners were so ridiculous about their dogs like “she must let you walk out the door first, walk her to the left, leash approximately slacked at 5″ from your waist, don’t let her eat anything near the daycare” etc etc. Some rules I thought were a little silly, and still do, and I’ll probably just end up walking the dog like anyone would walk a dog. Put the leash on, go for a walk… done.

All in all I’d have to say it’s one of the best first days I’ve had. What’s even better is that you don’t have to deal with any people; not many people can say that about their job and you know that’s what most people would love in their job. Now I did get the impression that the schedule is all over the place and I get a new one everyone day, so that seems like it’d be a bit stressful as there’s no continuity to your life. We’ll see how that craziness pans out, but for now I’m getting paid to hang with animals, get a tan and lots of exercise.

Mumma C

Deal with the devil


ImageYou guys were THIS close to not getting a blog today, which makes me more sad than you. This is my umpteenth time trying to get online but either my computer or my internet didn’t want it to happen. I had to walk away a couple hours ago when I went to start writing but got so frustrated I had to go shopping instead. I bought myself, for the first time ever, a raincoat for my spiffy new job! What adult has a raincoat? No one, cause nobody wants to go out in the rain, ick. But I figured I didn’t want to be in wet clothes all day, so I bit the bullet and bought one. I also bought sirs a new kind of diaper, which I was oddly excited about. They have super cute patterns and sesame street peeps on them, feel like he’s growing up, haha! On a total side note, am I the only who is loving this hot sticky weather? There’s something about that kind of humidity that makes me so happy even if I’m dripping in sweat. I prefer to think of it as I’m glistening as people do allegedly after they have sex on a hot day. Anyways….

So the job stars tomorrow… I think. I had been waiting for my contract to be sent to me from my boss last night, and I heard nothing. Then I receive the following email at 11:30pm, Subject: Sigh (very professional start) “I’m so sorry didn’t get a chance to do your contract up. Long story. Definitely going to have you out on wed I still need to figure out schedule. Sorry its been a really bAd day”. Ummmmm k. I was wondering if one of her workers lied to her again, causing her to lose yet another client. I really didn’t know where to go from here as she didn’t say, “oh, I’llĀ have it for you soon, see you Wednesday, here’s a schedule” etc etc. So I just said, I’m sorry… so what’s the plan? I’m very sensitive to people’s woes. We ended up emailing back and forth for almost 20 minutes, her telling me about a dog who had to be put down for behavioral issues. I actually do sympathize with this and that must be really hard if she had known the dog for a long time, I cry when I hear a complete stranger saw a dog once. Yeah. I still didn’t get much out of her other than I THINK I’m starting tomorrow. I still haven’t signed my contract, or know when or where I’m going tomorrow. I’m assuming she’ll email me again tonight at 12am telling me how shitty the world is. I don’t even know if my last boss had problems, and my new one is already telling me what time she goes to the bathroom every day. I’m scared I’ve made a horrible decision to work for this woman, as she seems completely insane. Who the hell talks to their employees like that, let alone that quickly into the employer/employee relationship. I think I may be signing my life over to the devil in a fat dog lady disguise.

Wish me luck if I even make it out tomorrow and I’ll give you the update tomorrow!
Mumma C

On another side note, came across this while looking for a picture of “ugly she devil”. Beyonce quoted as saying “I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.”

I’m dog walkin, yes indeed I’m walkin

So as most of you know I had an interview coming up for a dog walker, yes I’m moving on up to the high life. Typically to a job interview you wear your smartest gear and try to look as professional as possible. With that in mind, what in the hell does one wear to an interview for walking dogs? Typically for an interview, as I’m an expert at these now, I try on a couple outfits, see what Tim thinks, put my every day wear makeup on, do my hair and I’m out the door. For this job I tried on one pair of shorts, they almost made it up to my vagina, yea yea I’m victim to such shorts too, I never said practice what I preach. So those shorts were out, so I ended up with a pair of jean shorts that went to my knees and a nice black tunic. I decided to do my hair because it was looking like a rats nest for the whole previous week; the dogs deserve that of me. I left the hair on my legs for extra effect, and a little mascara so I didn’t look like a total dog…. walker.

Fast forward to the interview. I was there for an hour…yes for an entire hour, but she wasn’t grilling me on my dog walking experiences but telling me how everybody lies to her and there’s a high turnover rate. Seems like my kinda job, I’m a pretty good liar and I switch jobs like I switch my underwear. Oh wait, this isn’t a requirement you say, then why the hell did we talk about this for the ENTIRE interview? Unlike my last two interviews, which I mentioned in another blog I believed to be my best, this interview I barely said two words, just nodded and seemed sympathetic to her horrid workers. So is it the job that’s so bad, or is it the boss I’m thinking, well I had zero time to think about it. She said she had one more interview to do and she’d let me know. I got an email just before writing this saying she thinks I’d be a great fit and I’m hired if I’m still interested. If I’m still interested?? Um, we just met 2 hours ago, should I have ran away by now?

Anyway, I think I’ll take it because it’s a job, and I’m in no position to be turning down jobs at this point. What do you guys think, legit or run away screaming? Now you all can look forward to my future musings of a dog walker.
Mumma C (on my way to the interview below)