I’ve come to the realization that I’m embarrassed to tell people what I do when asked. I should have realized after going to a 90 year olds birthday party with complete strangers and being asked. In this particular situation I simply said I was between jobs, to which someone replied, “Oh that’s fun, keep things fresh and new”. Uh, yea, that’s it, I’m keepin it real, a 27 year old who still doesn’t have her shit together. The shitty thing is that it’s not as if I’m sitting around watching Judge Judy hoping a job will fall into my lap (actually I do watch Judge Judy). As times have changed and you don’t pound the pavement like our parents did, we simply forward our résumé to a company and hope our email address is stupid enough to grab their attention.
While being in Kingston I’ve only had two interviews, and as you all know, did not pan out. So I’ve decided to add a little spunk to my emails to grab HRs attention. I was thinking something like, “hey did you know the bodybreakers Joanne and Hal are on the Canadian Amazing Race, neato” or “I can bench press a grown man, and yes I realize this does not relate to this job in the slightest, just thought you should know”. I only will do this for jobs that I’m way under qualified for or ones I don’t care either way if I get called. I figure it can’t hurt to throw a little of my crazy in there, at this point I have nothing to lose.
Also shout out to my New Zealand readers, safe trip home and thanks for reading!
I had a few ideas floating around my brain for tonight’s blog, and I settled on the topic of high school. I’ve been very reminiscent of high school recently after one of my old friends told a bunch of us via Facebook that it has been ten years since high school. Immediately what came to mind was Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, “It’s been ten years since high school? God, where have I been?” “I’m stumped, where?” Where the hell have I been and why am I the first one to have a baby? I know those two thoughts don’t usually go together, but seriously, I’m the last person, I’d thought, to have a baby first. It’s usually a weekly conversation between my mother and I about how much I hate kids, and just last week she said “yea, you’ve always bragged about it”. So how in the sam hell was I the first to go down this spiral of “for the rest of time bound together”?
As you can tell by the photo alongside this blog I think I maybe was a bit of an ugly duckling (grade 10 here I believe). I always seemed to have friends and was never the girl who was picked on, but whenever it’s mentioned in adulthood, they all agree, yea you were kinda ugly. When I show Tim pictures he always says I looked like Ronald McDonald with that hair (it was also permed at one point). I allow my friends from then to now say I was ugly, but back then it probably would have made me crawl into my bunk bed and cry a little. I thought the hair was cool, especially a red perm! In hindsight I suppose it wasn’t the best decision. I also didn’t wear any makeup, or wear jeans until grade 10. One person once said my face looked like a slab of meat; imagine how attractive that skin is. I didn’t start looking more or less like I do now until grade 11. My hair grew out, became blonde and bronzer had become my new best friend. At my grad roast, made by teachers (real nice), they said I was the “most likely to sit by the dining room toaster tanning while applying makeup”. Let’s just say I had time to make up for my lack of makeup wearing earlier in my teen years.
Thinking of the people I met in high school can be saved for another type of blog, and another time where someone actually cares. I just wanted to mention one person who just came across my mind while writing this blog because it’s a quick, I think, hilarious story. Just as I was coming into my own, looks wise and confidence wise, I was interested in an older boy who I had a crush on since grade 9. I finally got the courage to start talking to him and hanging around his friends. Long story short, some how I ended up going on a date with his friend and never once with the boy I had the crush on. After a few months of dating, during the summer I went to the guy’s house and he obviously had certain plans in mind. I went into his basement room and he had all the candles lit, and soft music playing in the background. All very sweet and totally the way to get into a 17 year olds pants. I can’t actually remember if we had sex, but I’ll tell you what I do remember. The soft music he was playing in the background was the baritone voice of Toni Braxton. Who the hell plays Toni Braxton to woo a girl? Oh, he also drove a maroon Mazda Miata… ummm lots of questions swirling 10 years later.
Everyone always says college is the best years of their lives, high school for me was the best four years of my life. I had the best time and the best friends. I hope everyone can say the same of their time in high school.
No Instagram filter, no editing, post baby body and I’m here to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. No, I’m not talking about getting over the horrors of raising children, or that your kids won’t blame you for everything that went wrong in their lives. But rather, if you’ve just had a baby, or are even a year in, for some of you, there can be hope for having that pre baby body return. The only reason I say some of you is because that is reality. That loose skin, that I for one was sure I would have, is something that no matter how much you workout will never go away. Stretch marks are a motherfucking bitch, that no matter what you do, Bio oil or coconut rub, or speciality mud from the Congo, they ain’t going nowhere. Besides having incredibly good genes and bypassing baby stretch marks, I’ve been able to get my weight back down and be even smaller than my pre pregnancy weight. But don’t get me wrong, I may have lost the weight, but my stomach still isn’t perfect, and if we want to get down to the reality of it, I do have stretch marks on my body. So don’t think I haven’t experienced them for myself, and know for a fact they don’t disappear, you can rely on my word. If any women actually read my blog, you are probably cursing me right now, but hear me out. I want those of you who are in this beginning stage of just having a baby to know and I’ll be the one person to tell you, there can be hope of a skinnier you! Only one other parent has told me this good news, so I just want to keep spreading the joy.
I know I should’ve have been like every parent and been worried if my boy had all 10 fingers and toes, but I was more concerned whether that leftover skin would ever go away. When one of my friends told me it was possible that it would go away I was hesitant, but eventually it made me feel better.
Now don’t think this blog will provide dieting tips or a weight loss regime, it’s simply to let you know that not all of you who have children are destined for that loose skin, never to be discarded, we all are convinced mothers have. Some of you are probably disgusted with my selfishness and seeming lack of concern for the health of my child. I’m not all sour grapes people, just remember this is the blog that tells you how it really is and not what people typically say out loud. I’m willing to bet on this one that more mothers than you think were immediately concerned with their body, both before baby was born and after. Don’t think for one second I wasn’t concerned about baby sirs, I was, but I also had my body in mind.
Even if I made just one recent, or soon to be mom feel a little relieved, I’m happy.
I feel there should be a handbook listing every single possible thing a speechless lump could do, and all the things to do when said things occur. My husband and I are constantly questioning what the hell to do in any given situation. “Should we give him a bottle”, “is he cold, is he hot”, “should we let him cry”, “is he hungry”, “are his teeth bothering him”, “should we keep letting him cry”, “I don’t know what to do, do you?”, “should he still be crying”, “do we go in now to check on him, or wait another 5 minutes”. Oh the list is endless, and this is just what we asked each other tonight, and we’ve had this kid for a year now. You’d think we’d know what we were doing by now… Nope. Luckily I have someone that picks up my slack and questioning without hesitation, even if he questions just as much as I do.
So I have actually been told by other parents that you question yourself a lot, ok cool, check ONE off the list. But I feel the questions they are talking about are things that could change the whole course of your child’s life. For example, am I giving him the right education, do I give him enough affection, is he getting the proper nutrition, have I taught him to be a well rounded, caring, community giving human being. Whereas, I’m fucking still wondering if you change the diaper after two pees, or one poop, and what does that cry mean… beats the hell out of me. Pretty sure most parents, at least mothers, master the cry after week one.
Wait! Maybe that’s one for the blog, something other parents never told me. They “say” they know their baby’s cry, “oh that one means he’s hungry, this one means he’s tired, this one means he peed, and wait… And a poo is on the way”. I was all ready to be the baby whisperer when Cobain arrived, but come 13 months later I don’t know one whiny cry from the next. I may pretend I do, because that’s what good mothers do. But hell, I’ve decided this blog is a free for all, and to let all those soon to be parents know what it’s really all about because no one will ever tell the truth 🙂 I’ll admit yet another thing, I don’t know one Cobain cry from the next!
What inspired this blog was a screaming, “crying”, baby a half hour into bed time, now after a million questions between us, and writing this blog, the beast has settled. Amen!