Axed

Oh readers I come to you with a heavy, and pissed heart. Two days ago my boss told me to leave my entire set of keys in my mailbox because her boyfriend had to do something with them. Um ok, weird, but ok. Then tonight I get an email saying this dog walking thing with me just wasn’t working out. Yeah. You read me right, I was fired from the most embarrassing job to begin with. The reasoning: STUPID MOTHERFUCKING BABYSITTER. My boss said I was late three times and she can’t rely on that inconsistency with her business (not word for word, I’m more articulate than she). My babysitter was obviously late more than three times, but the times I couldn’t compensate I had to tell my boss. Remember that blog where I was complaining about my babysitter’s irresponsible lateness? Yeah, that in turn was responsible for me being fired, un-fucking-believable. Also remember when I said I was embarrassed to tell people what I did for a job? Well now I’m even more embarrassed to say I was fired from said job.
So back to the drawing board, job search, job search and pray to Jebus something comes my way. I’m getting a little sick of the luck we’ve been having since moving to Kingston, so I think I’m owed a little something.
Mumma C

Spankin new

I’ve come to the realization that I’m embarrassed to tell people what I do when asked. I should have realized after going to a 90 year olds birthday party with complete strangers and being asked. In this particular situation I simply said I was between jobs, to which someone replied, “Oh that’s fun, keep things fresh and new”. Uh, yea, that’s it, I’m keepin it real, a 27 year old who still doesn’t have her shit together. The shitty thing is that it’s not as if I’m sitting around watching Judge Judy hoping a job will fall into my lap (actually I do watch Judge Judy). As times have changed and you don’t pound the pavement like our parents did, we simply forward our résumé to a company and hope our email address is stupid enough to grab their attention.
While being in Kingston I’ve only had two interviews, and as you all know, did not pan out. So I’ve decided to add a little spunk to my emails to grab HRs attention. I was thinking something like, “hey did you know the bodybreakers Joanne and Hal are on the Canadian Amazing Race, neato” or “I can bench press a grown man, and yes I realize this does not relate to this job in the slightest, just thought you should know”. I only will do this for jobs that I’m way under qualified for or ones I don’t care either way if I get called. I figure it can’t hurt to throw a little of my crazy in there, at this point I have nothing to lose.
Also shout out to my New Zealand readers, safe trip home and thanks for reading!
Mumma C

I’m dog walkin, yes indeed I’m walkin

So as most of you know I had an interview coming up for a dog walker, yes I’m moving on up to the high life. Typically to a job interview you wear your smartest gear and try to look as professional as possible. With that in mind, what in the hell does one wear to an interview for walking dogs? Typically for an interview, as I’m an expert at these now, I try on a couple outfits, see what Tim thinks, put my every day wear makeup on, do my hair and I’m out the door. For this job I tried on one pair of shorts, they almost made it up to my vagina, yea yea I’m victim to such shorts too, I never said practice what I preach. So those shorts were out, so I ended up with a pair of jean shorts that went to my knees and a nice black tunic. I decided to do my hair because it was looking like a rats nest for the whole previous week; the dogs deserve that of me. I left the hair on my legs for extra effect, and a little mascara so I didn’t look like a total dog…. walker.

Fast forward to the interview. I was there for an hour…yes for an entire hour, but she wasn’t grilling me on my dog walking experiences but telling me how everybody lies to her and there’s a high turnover rate. Seems like my kinda job, I’m a pretty good liar and I switch jobs like I switch my underwear. Oh wait, this isn’t a requirement you say, then why the hell did we talk about this for the ENTIRE interview? Unlike my last two interviews, which I mentioned in another blog I believed to be my best, this interview I barely said two words, just nodded and seemed sympathetic to her horrid workers. So is it the job that’s so bad, or is it the boss I’m thinking, well I had zero time to think about it. She said she had one more interview to do and she’d let me know. I got an email just before writing this saying she thinks I’d be a great fit and I’m hired if I’m still interested. If I’m still interested?? Um, we just met 2 hours ago, should I have ran away by now?

Anyway, I think I’ll take it because it’s a job, and I’m in no position to be turning down jobs at this point. What do you guys think, legit or run away screaming? Now you all can look forward to my future musings of a dog walker.
Mumma C (on my way to the interview below)

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My parents would be so proud

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I had the wonderful joy of experiencing maternity leave, woo woo, getting paid minor ducats for a year to look after my own child. It’s been three months now in a new city, and no job, and let’s just say it isn’t going my way. I’ve applied to countless jobs, went on a few interviews, and nothing. Oddly enough, the interviews I went on I thought were my best interviews to date, but afterwards, not even a call saying, thank you for gracing us with your presence. I’m just a lonely boy, in a lonely world… with no job. My husband said I should start lowering my standards, and maybe suck a dick along the way; I’ve done one of the former. I recently applied for a job as a dog walker with a local business in Kingston, and guess who has an interview? This guy. My wouldn’t my parents be proud, private school tuition, undergrad, and a teaching degree… all so I could pick up poop for minimum wage. I may be scraping the barrel, literally, but a girl’s gotta pay the bills. Besides, if every dog walker movie has taught me anything, and I think it has, it’s the most romantic job; and it’s also how you get rich, handsome men to fall in love with you. Maybe this one can be my side sugar daddy who pays my bills and rent for me, and my dog walking is just a cover.
Let’s hope I get to live out my dream of living the minimum wage life, and playing with all of god’s creatures. Keep you posted !
Mumma C