Axed

Oh readers I come to you with a heavy, and pissed heart. Two days ago my boss told me to leave my entire set of keys in my mailbox because her boyfriend had to do something with them. Um ok, weird, but ok. Then tonight I get an email saying this dog walking thing with me just wasn’t working out. Yeah. You read me right, I was fired from the most embarrassing job to begin with. The reasoning: STUPID MOTHERFUCKING BABYSITTER. My boss said I was late three times and she can’t rely on that inconsistency with her business (not word for word, I’m more articulate than she). My babysitter was obviously late more than three times, but the times I couldn’t compensate I had to tell my boss. Remember that blog where I was complaining about my babysitter’s irresponsible lateness? Yeah, that in turn was responsible for me being fired, un-fucking-believable. Also remember when I said I was embarrassed to tell people what I did for a job? Well now I’m even more embarrassed to say I was fired from said job.
So back to the drawing board, job search, job search and pray to Jebus something comes my way. I’m getting a little sick of the luck we’ve been having since moving to Kingston, so I think I’m owed a little something.
Mumma C

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Spankin new

I’ve come to the realization that I’m embarrassed to tell people what I do when asked. I should have realized after going to a 90 year olds birthday party with complete strangers and being asked. In this particular situation I simply said I was between jobs, to which someone replied, “Oh that’s fun, keep things fresh and new”. Uh, yea, that’s it, I’m keepin it real, a 27 year old who still doesn’t have her shit together. The shitty thing is that it’s not as if I’m sitting around watching Judge Judy hoping a job will fall into my lap (actually I do watch Judge Judy). As times have changed and you don’t pound the pavement like our parents did, we simply forward our résumé to a company and hope our email address is stupid enough to grab their attention.
While being in Kingston I’ve only had two interviews, and as you all know, did not pan out. So I’ve decided to add a little spunk to my emails to grab HRs attention. I was thinking something like, “hey did you know the bodybreakers Joanne and Hal are on the Canadian Amazing Race, neato” or “I can bench press a grown man, and yes I realize this does not relate to this job in the slightest, just thought you should know”. I only will do this for jobs that I’m way under qualified for or ones I don’t care either way if I get called. I figure it can’t hurt to throw a little of my crazy in there, at this point I have nothing to lose.
Also shout out to my New Zealand readers, safe trip home and thanks for reading!
Mumma C

No money mo problems

For now child labor is working out for us because we are poor and can somewhat afford her, but come September, that’s another story. As much as I’d like our very own Mary Poppins who makes medicine seem like crack… Mmm gimmie dat shit; we can’t afford it. I have briefly looked into daycare because it’s the cheaper option and sirs really needs to start meeting kids his age. The brief encounters sirs has had with other children did not bode well. One little girl his age he met charged at him and he pushed her down (he can’t even stand! Figure that out). Then her foot was touching his and he shoved her foot away from him… I think our child may be a bit of a diva. So clearly this child needs some human contact other than his awesome parents.
What I really don’t understand is how in the hell parents pay for childcare! The money the government gives you monthly for childcare could barely cover the cost of my smokes and booze, let alone a month of care for my child. I was looking at one daycare near us that offers subsidiary payment (if that’s the right word), where your payment matches your income, so that’s something I’ll be looking into. For those of you who maybe don’t have the highest paying jobs, or do that payment/income thing, what are your suggestions for being able to pay for childcare? I truly don’t understand how people pay for childcare and screw all of you with good, stable jobs, I don’t want to hear from you.
Stupid money, can you win the lottery without playing?
Mumma C

Paper boy & whiners

As I am working now and Tim is out of town my mom has been kind enough to come down for the week to look after sirs while I’m at work. We have made a discovery about baby sirs, which I think I suspected all along. This blog covers parenthood and the crappiness of it, and how sirs is a bit of a whiner… hence why I’m whining online. When I’m not at home apparently Cobain is the most well behaved, quietest, sweetest baby that ever lived. Um, which baby are you looking after all day, because I know my sirs is 1 of the 3 above mentioned. He’ll be playing perfectly content and the second I walk in the door he’s crying and rolling all over the floor, and cuddling his toys. It’s not as if I ignore him when I walk in the door, I drop everything and go right to him and give him hugs and kisses. What.the.fuck. Is it me? Is he suckie with me because he knows he can get away with it? Did he miss me? I’d like to say it’s because he missed me, but even after he gets used to me being around he’s still carrying on being a little bugger and whining. Why can’t we all just get along and not cry when we’re around each other? I’m hoping it’s just something he’ll get over, but good news for babysitters that he’s not as terrible, “allegedly”, as I make him seem.

As part of my super elitist job the odd time I have to deliver our business flyers to certain neighborhoods. Gah. First of all, NO ONE LIKES FLYERS, secondly, it’s awkward as all hell going up to someone’s house when they’re clearly home and trying to run away before they catch you. I had to explain myself to one half dressed man today who opened his door as I was waiting to not get sprayed by his sprinkler; otherwise I would have escaped in time, damn it. Half of what I said was unheard so I had to keep repeating myself, then as I was walking away he told me to take my flyer back. Rejected, and insanely embarrassing. I have to go back to that neighborhood tomorrow as I didn’t have enough flyers. I’m thinking of wearing a mask so people that I pissed off today with my stupid flyers don’t recognize me tomorrow.

The endless joke that is my life continues on…
Mumma C

First day

Good evening readers. I would have written sooner but walking dogs took a lot out of me! I don’t have my usual witty and hilarious post tonight, mostly because it was the most uneventful first day I’ve ever had.

I shadowed one of the three employees at this company, and she was so organized, no room for error kind of girl nothing went wrong during my first day. Usually during my first day at anything I want to throw up the night before, I run through the list of uncertainties and don’t sleep the whole evening. The morning of I want to throw up some more, skip breakfast, probably shit myself a little, and have a tummy ache the entire drive to work. For this job I had zero stomach upsets the night before, slept like a beauty, and woke up only wanting to throw up a little. So all in all I thought this was a great start to my new job. I even woke up on time, didn’t actually have breakfast, but not due to nervous nausea but simply lack of hunger.

Since I’m kind of a loser, last night I went to see where I had to be in the morning so I didn’t have to stress about it the morning off. So this morning I knew exactly where I was going and was there 10 minutes early to meet the girl I was shadowing. We walked approximately 10 dogs in about 5 hours. Most of the dogs were real sweet and made me miss having one, but I also remembered how much I HATE picking up dog shit. Stupid dog. Clean up your own shit. There was a lot of driving, a lot of rules, and a lot of things to remember. Some owners were so ridiculous about their dogs like “she must let you walk out the door first, walk her to the left, leash approximately slacked at 5″ from your waist, don’t let her eat anything near the daycare” etc etc. Some rules I thought were a little silly, and still do, and I’ll probably just end up walking the dog like anyone would walk a dog. Put the leash on, go for a walk… done.

All in all I’d have to say it’s one of the best first days I’ve had. What’s even better is that you don’t have to deal with any people; not many people can say that about their job and you know that’s what most people would love in their job. Now I did get the impression that the schedule is all over the place and I get a new one everyone day, so that seems like it’d be a bit stressful as there’s no continuity to your life. We’ll see how that craziness pans out, but for now I’m getting paid to hang with animals, get a tan and lots of exercise.

Mumma C

Deal with the devil

 

ImageYou guys were THIS close to not getting a blog today, which makes me more sad than you. This is my umpteenth time trying to get online but either my computer or my internet didn’t want it to happen. I had to walk away a couple hours ago when I went to start writing but got so frustrated I had to go shopping instead. I bought myself, for the first time ever, a raincoat for my spiffy new job! What adult has a raincoat? No one, cause nobody wants to go out in the rain, ick. But I figured I didn’t want to be in wet clothes all day, so I bit the bullet and bought one. I also bought sirs a new kind of diaper, which I was oddly excited about. They have super cute patterns and sesame street peeps on them, feel like he’s growing up, haha! On a total side note, am I the only who is loving this hot sticky weather? There’s something about that kind of humidity that makes me so happy even if I’m dripping in sweat. I prefer to think of it as I’m glistening as people do allegedly after they have sex on a hot day. Anyways….

So the job stars tomorrow… I think. I had been waiting for my contract to be sent to me from my boss last night, and I heard nothing. Then I receive the following email at 11:30pm, Subject: Sigh (very professional start) “I’m so sorry didn’t get a chance to do your contract up. Long story. Definitely going to have you out on wed I still need to figure out schedule. Sorry its been a really bAd day”. Ummmmm k. I was wondering if one of her workers lied to her again, causing her to lose yet another client. I really didn’t know where to go from here as she didn’t say, “oh, I’ll have it for you soon, see you Wednesday, here’s a schedule” etc etc. So I just said, I’m sorry… so what’s the plan? I’m very sensitive to people’s woes. We ended up emailing back and forth for almost 20 minutes, her telling me about a dog who had to be put down for behavioral issues. I actually do sympathize with this and that must be really hard if she had known the dog for a long time, I cry when I hear a complete stranger saw a dog once. Yeah. I still didn’t get much out of her other than I THINK I’m starting tomorrow. I still haven’t signed my contract, or know when or where I’m going tomorrow. I’m assuming she’ll email me again tonight at 12am telling me how shitty the world is. I don’t even know if my last boss had problems, and my new one is already telling me what time she goes to the bathroom every day. I’m scared I’ve made a horrible decision to work for this woman, as she seems completely insane. Who the hell talks to their employees like that, let alone that quickly into the employer/employee relationship. I think I may be signing my life over to the devil in a fat dog lady disguise.

Wish me luck if I even make it out tomorrow and I’ll give you the update tomorrow!
Mumma C

On another side note, came across this while looking for a picture of “ugly she devil”. Beyonce quoted as saying “I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.”

I’m dog walkin, yes indeed I’m walkin

So as most of you know I had an interview coming up for a dog walker, yes I’m moving on up to the high life. Typically to a job interview you wear your smartest gear and try to look as professional as possible. With that in mind, what in the hell does one wear to an interview for walking dogs? Typically for an interview, as I’m an expert at these now, I try on a couple outfits, see what Tim thinks, put my every day wear makeup on, do my hair and I’m out the door. For this job I tried on one pair of shorts, they almost made it up to my vagina, yea yea I’m victim to such shorts too, I never said practice what I preach. So those shorts were out, so I ended up with a pair of jean shorts that went to my knees and a nice black tunic. I decided to do my hair because it was looking like a rats nest for the whole previous week; the dogs deserve that of me. I left the hair on my legs for extra effect, and a little mascara so I didn’t look like a total dog…. walker.

Fast forward to the interview. I was there for an hour…yes for an entire hour, but she wasn’t grilling me on my dog walking experiences but telling me how everybody lies to her and there’s a high turnover rate. Seems like my kinda job, I’m a pretty good liar and I switch jobs like I switch my underwear. Oh wait, this isn’t a requirement you say, then why the hell did we talk about this for the ENTIRE interview? Unlike my last two interviews, which I mentioned in another blog I believed to be my best, this interview I barely said two words, just nodded and seemed sympathetic to her horrid workers. So is it the job that’s so bad, or is it the boss I’m thinking, well I had zero time to think about it. She said she had one more interview to do and she’d let me know. I got an email just before writing this saying she thinks I’d be a great fit and I’m hired if I’m still interested. If I’m still interested?? Um, we just met 2 hours ago, should I have ran away by now?

Anyway, I think I’ll take it because it’s a job, and I’m in no position to be turning down jobs at this point. What do you guys think, legit or run away screaming? Now you all can look forward to my future musings of a dog walker.
Mumma C (on my way to the interview below)

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