Separation anxiety

 

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So far so good with signing my life over to the crazy boss lady. The job is fun, easy going, and you rarely have to deal with people, bonus! There’s the odd scary old lady who wants everything to be very exact and it’s like she’s just waiting at the door for you to tell you what you did wrong on the walk. Yea, she wasn’t on the walk. All in all, nothing really to report there.

My baby sirs isn’t coming home now for another week and this is causing me major distress. My fun time, mommy alone time has quickly passed and now just become grief. I just found out today that Tim hasn’t been feeling well so he’s not able to make the trip for another couple of days. Oh and before hearing this I finally decided to get my windshield wipers looked at. They had stopped working 3 months ago, and I just figured I’d Ace Ventura it and drive with my head out the window when it rained. Now that I’m driving for a living and it was pouring today, and I didn’t feel like killing myself or anyone else, I finally decided to go to crappy tire to get it looked at. Long story short, luckily was just a bolt loose and “only” cost $150. That really was just to have someone look at it and screw a bolt, and this was after 2 1/2 hour wait. Let me tell you, Canadian Tire is not THAT interesting for 2 hours.

Anyways, I started to tear up a bit while waiting there thinking of not seeing baby for another week. I held it together in public, but when I got home I just cried for 15 minutes in the shower. I want to cry just thinking about it now. Don’t think that your baby will be the only one with separation anxiety, trust me, you will feel it too. When I am away from him I always wonder if he’ll forget me, or resent me, or not want me around when he comes home. I hate when people tell me he won’t forget, you’re his mom, bla bla. How can they know what a 13 month old is thinking, or feeling? Tim told me he’s been really cranky the past day or so, and I can’t help but think it’s because of me. He’s beginning to eat more exciting food, his hair is getting longer, and I think he’s very close to walking. I know it sounds stupid to think it’s only two weeks, but you’d be surprised at how quickly they change in such a short amount of time. When you’re with them all the time you don’t notice it, but when you’re away and then you see them again, you definitely notice it.

Being away from baby and hubby for a couple days is a godsend, it’s like you’re single again and have no cares in the world. But once you do become a mumma, despite all the rants and sour grapes, he’s still your baby and you miss him every second you’re away from him.

Mumma C

First day

Good evening readers. I would have written sooner but walking dogs took a lot out of me! I don’t have my usual witty and hilarious post tonight, mostly because it was the most uneventful first day I’ve ever had.

I shadowed one of the three employees at this company, and she was so organized, no room for error kind of girl nothing went wrong during my first day. Usually during my first day at anything I want to throw up the night before, I run through the list of uncertainties and don’t sleep the whole evening. The morning of I want to throw up some more, skip breakfast, probably shit myself a little, and have a tummy ache the entire drive to work. For this job I had zero stomach upsets the night before, slept like a beauty, and woke up only wanting to throw up a little. So all in all I thought this was a great start to my new job. I even woke up on time, didn’t actually have breakfast, but not due to nervous nausea but simply lack of hunger.

Since I’m kind of a loser, last night I went to see where I had to be in the morning so I didn’t have to stress about it the morning off. So this morning I knew exactly where I was going and was there 10 minutes early to meet the girl I was shadowing. We walked approximately 10 dogs in about 5 hours. Most of the dogs were real sweet and made me miss having one, but I also remembered how much I HATE picking up dog shit. Stupid dog. Clean up your own shit. There was a lot of driving, a lot of rules, and a lot of things to remember. Some owners were so ridiculous about their dogs like “she must let you walk out the door first, walk her to the left, leash approximately slacked at 5″ from your waist, don’t let her eat anything near the daycare” etc etc. Some rules I thought were a little silly, and still do, and I’ll probably just end up walking the dog like anyone would walk a dog. Put the leash on, go for a walk… done.

All in all I’d have to say it’s one of the best first days I’ve had. What’s even better is that you don’t have to deal with any people; not many people can say that about their job and you know that’s what most people would love in their job. Now I did get the impression that the schedule is all over the place and I get a new one everyone day, so that seems like it’d be a bit stressful as there’s no continuity to your life. We’ll see how that craziness pans out, but for now I’m getting paid to hang with animals, get a tan and lots of exercise.

Mumma C

Deal with the devil

 

ImageYou guys were THIS close to not getting a blog today, which makes me more sad than you. This is my umpteenth time trying to get online but either my computer or my internet didn’t want it to happen. I had to walk away a couple hours ago when I went to start writing but got so frustrated I had to go shopping instead. I bought myself, for the first time ever, a raincoat for my spiffy new job! What adult has a raincoat? No one, cause nobody wants to go out in the rain, ick. But I figured I didn’t want to be in wet clothes all day, so I bit the bullet and bought one. I also bought sirs a new kind of diaper, which I was oddly excited about. They have super cute patterns and sesame street peeps on them, feel like he’s growing up, haha! On a total side note, am I the only who is loving this hot sticky weather? There’s something about that kind of humidity that makes me so happy even if I’m dripping in sweat. I prefer to think of it as I’m glistening as people do allegedly after they have sex on a hot day. Anyways….

So the job stars tomorrow… I think. I had been waiting for my contract to be sent to me from my boss last night, and I heard nothing. Then I receive the following email at 11:30pm, Subject: Sigh (very professional start) “I’m so sorry didn’t get a chance to do your contract up. Long story. Definitely going to have you out on wed I still need to figure out schedule. Sorry its been a really bAd day”. Ummmmm k. I was wondering if one of her workers lied to her again, causing her to lose yet another client. I really didn’t know where to go from here as she didn’t say, “oh, I’ll have it for you soon, see you Wednesday, here’s a schedule” etc etc. So I just said, I’m sorry… so what’s the plan? I’m very sensitive to people’s woes. We ended up emailing back and forth for almost 20 minutes, her telling me about a dog who had to be put down for behavioral issues. I actually do sympathize with this and that must be really hard if she had known the dog for a long time, I cry when I hear a complete stranger saw a dog once. Yeah. I still didn’t get much out of her other than I THINK I’m starting tomorrow. I still haven’t signed my contract, or know when or where I’m going tomorrow. I’m assuming she’ll email me again tonight at 12am telling me how shitty the world is. I don’t even know if my last boss had problems, and my new one is already telling me what time she goes to the bathroom every day. I’m scared I’ve made a horrible decision to work for this woman, as she seems completely insane. Who the hell talks to their employees like that, let alone that quickly into the employer/employee relationship. I think I may be signing my life over to the devil in a fat dog lady disguise.

Wish me luck if I even make it out tomorrow and I’ll give you the update tomorrow!
Mumma C

On another side note, came across this while looking for a picture of “ugly she devil”. Beyonce quoted as saying “I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.”

Urinating- it isn’t for everyone

Here were are again at 1am and these are the things that come to mind when I can’t sleep. I’ve been wanting to write an entry about labour, mostly post labour and let those future moms know what nobody told me. Male readers I’m giving you a warning to back away slowly if you’re not into female “things”.

I had been told, as I’m sure everyone has, as it is common knowledge, that labour sucks. And fuck you to all those women who say it was a time where they understood their purpose in life and it was a beautiful experience. Fuck you. It’s the worse pain you can even imagine, and don’t be a hero and turn down drugs. I was trying to be a hero, or insane when I said I wanted the epidural but I’d wait until it got bad before I received it. I was under the impression the epidural wore off after a certain amount of time, so I wanted to wait till the pain was unbearable so I had the pain relief during the worst of it. Once the pain hit, so bad words really can’t describe the pain, I had to get the epidural. I waited so long to get it I was shaking so badly from pain it took the anesthesiologist longer to put the needle in because I couldn’t stay still. So point being, get the damn epidural ya hippie bitches.

I had heard that you can shit while pushing during labour, but that you are so out of it and into the pushing you don’t even notice. Plus apparently the nurses are so on top of it the clean up is super quick. I was fairly positive I’d notice if I shit myself while pushing so I was wary to believe that it’d be like, oops just shit myself, moving along. I’m sure this didn’t happen to me though, but case in point, it either really didn’t happen or you REALLY don’t notice it, so be happy for that.

NOBODY told me about having a total lack of control of your pee hole after you give birth. The night I gave birth I was in my room and I had to pee. I couldn’t walk myself and I had an IV so Tim had to help me get up and to the bathroom. The second I stood up, without warning, the pee just gushed out and to the floor. I didn’t push, didn’t do a thing, it’s like it just fell out. This happened I’d say for at least another month or so, but luckily not to that extent! It Tim ever said anything funny I was screwed, I couldn’t hold my pee in while laughing so I’d piss all over myself. The first month after baby was born we were in Stratford for the day, I had a skirt on and Tim was being his usual hilarious self. Let’s just say I didn’t pack a spare pair of anything and I peed all down my leg. My husband was nice enough to give me his underwear while mine were bunched in a ball in my purse. I could have just had loose vaginal walls or something, but future mamas maybe have a spare liner, underwear or something if you’re far away from home.

The same friend who told me it’s possible to have back your pre baby body also told me you’re vagina isn’t flapping in the wind, like throwing a hotdog down a bowling alley kind of thing after you give birth. I was afraid my vagina would be all kinds of gross and never go back to the way it was. Just to let you know, it does go back to normal! And for proof, unless he’s a dirty liar, my husband says it’s the same as it was before baby.

I’m sure there are a ton more things I could tell you about post labour, and perhaps I could add a few more in future entries. But for now, it’s 1:30am and I’m becoming brain dead. I hope this gives some of you some relief and some of you frightened enough not to have children 🙂
Mumma C

I think I just threw up in my mouth, and on my shirt

Ahhh, I hope this still reaches all of you and my greediness hasn’t affected you being able to access my site. When I made the site, “musings” never sat well with me because it didn’t feel original, even though when I thought it, it felt original. Then I looked up musings of mothers and the world wide internet (said in comic book guys voice) was CRAWLING with these musing mothers. Then I came across a friend’s site and it’s called silent musings! So came my decision to come up with a new name, and a more suitable name for what I’m really doing. Since I am new to wordpress and seemingly the internet, it seemed like I deleted my entire site and I started screaming. I THINK I have it under control now, but instead of going to the site http://www.nighttimemusingsnewmom.wordpress.com, it’s now www.nighttimedaydreamsnewmom.wordpress.com. Even though I’m sure those of you who are following me get automatic links to my page, those of you who are just clicking on the entry when it appears on Facebook won’t get the right site. I think I’ve calmed down a bit now so I can go, and I guess go to bed, booo. I was coming on here to write an entry, but I’ll save it for tomorrow, as my nerves are now shot all to hell. Go back to reading my normal entries, this one doesn’t count. Damn internet.
Mumma C

Good parent?

It’s 6:06 pm and I’m already laying my sweet ass down to bed, and yes this is normal for me. The baby’s bedtime has now become the parent’s bedtime, and I’m lovin it. So what’s my excuse since he’s not here… um, I’m lazy and I love bed? Although last night I actually left the house at 10pm to see the supermoon, which wasn’t very super, but then I got scared because it was dark out and ran back inside. I haven’t seen darkness around me in so long I forgot what it looked like. I’m also currently wearing my new Jaws shirt, and I don’t like it as much… maybe it’ll grow on me once I wear it in public and people tell me how awesome it is.

So I thought tonight I should steer a little towards the main purpose of my blog, and get back to parenting. I’ve been told, not very often mind you, by people that they think I’m a good mom and doing a good job with Cobain. I always say thank you and mumble something under my breathe like, how the hell would you know? People who aren’t with us 24 hours a day, or even for an hour out of a month aren’t very reliable sources on what makes me a good mom. For all they know I bring Cobain out of his closet when people visit, which is never, so technically he’s always in his closet. When friends or family see me with Cobain sure I feed him once in a while, give him some face squeezes, and change his diaper, if I remember, and I always think to myself, is that what they consider makes a good mom? I feel like the only person who could make an accurate statement of whether I’m a good mom or not is my husband because he’s the one who has to deal with our stupid ugly faces all day and night. I feel when people tell you you’re a good mother they think it’s the right thing to say, so they do, which just irritates me. It’s like when people tell you your baby is cute. You lyin’, you lyin’ to me, don’t fuckin lie. Cobain just happens to actually be cute, but other actual ugly babies. People think that’s what you should say when you meet a newborn or a child for the first time, but they’re all lying. I feel sorry for parents who think their child is cute, and everyone behind their backs are really saying, “good god, holy mother of mary that is one unfortunate looking child”. Hey, you want to know the truth about your kid on the ugly scale, and whether you’re a horrible mom or not, I’ll tell you! Don’t poop on my lawn and tell me it’s gold, or whatever the saying is, don’t just say the obligatory “you’re a good mom” cause I don’t want to hear it. Now, if you have something to back that statement up then please, shower me with compliments.

I know the truth hurts sometimes, but sometimes you have to hear it.
Mumma C

I’m dog walkin, yes indeed I’m walkin

So as most of you know I had an interview coming up for a dog walker, yes I’m moving on up to the high life. Typically to a job interview you wear your smartest gear and try to look as professional as possible. With that in mind, what in the hell does one wear to an interview for walking dogs? Typically for an interview, as I’m an expert at these now, I try on a couple outfits, see what Tim thinks, put my every day wear makeup on, do my hair and I’m out the door. For this job I tried on one pair of shorts, they almost made it up to my vagina, yea yea I’m victim to such shorts too, I never said practice what I preach. So those shorts were out, so I ended up with a pair of jean shorts that went to my knees and a nice black tunic. I decided to do my hair because it was looking like a rats nest for the whole previous week; the dogs deserve that of me. I left the hair on my legs for extra effect, and a little mascara so I didn’t look like a total dog…. walker.

Fast forward to the interview. I was there for an hour…yes for an entire hour, but she wasn’t grilling me on my dog walking experiences but telling me how everybody lies to her and there’s a high turnover rate. Seems like my kinda job, I’m a pretty good liar and I switch jobs like I switch my underwear. Oh wait, this isn’t a requirement you say, then why the hell did we talk about this for the ENTIRE interview? Unlike my last two interviews, which I mentioned in another blog I believed to be my best, this interview I barely said two words, just nodded and seemed sympathetic to her horrid workers. So is it the job that’s so bad, or is it the boss I’m thinking, well I had zero time to think about it. She said she had one more interview to do and she’d let me know. I got an email just before writing this saying she thinks I’d be a great fit and I’m hired if I’m still interested. If I’m still interested?? Um, we just met 2 hours ago, should I have ran away by now?

Anyway, I think I’ll take it because it’s a job, and I’m in no position to be turning down jobs at this point. What do you guys think, legit or run away screaming? Now you all can look forward to my future musings of a dog walker.
Mumma C (on my way to the interview below)

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